Writer.Chef.Romantic.

Not failure. Not the death of a dream.

In Writer on December 8, 2015 at 11:39 am

IMG_3342I think I can talk about this now without crying.

Last year, I got a job. A job that pays every week. At Wegmans, a grocery store.

A little history: Since 2008, I’ve had lots of part-time jobs, but I considered myself a full-time writer. In July of 2010, I sold my first erotic romance to Samhain Publishing. A few months later, I signed a two-book deal with Sourcebooks for SCRUMPTIOUS and LUSCIOUS. I was psyched! I felt talented, validated, and optimistic about writing paying the bills some time in the future. I did it!

Uh…

Kind of. I should change my Facebook status to “It’s Complicated with Publishing.” Writing has payed some bills. It has its ups and down, and some would argue that the benefits of the writing life are intangible. That great reviews from major sites in the romance industry (which I have gotten), new friends, achieving a life goal, and just being able to call myself an author, are enough payment. For some personality types, I bet they are. But I internalize the downs and shrug off the ups. If I were writing myself as a character, that would be a huge flaw. I’m working on it. But that’s another subject. I need writing to make money so I can feel like I’m doing a good job. Or, at least, I thought I did. More on that in a second.

A little more history: SCRUMPTIOUS was well-received, but not a breakout success. LUSCIOUS, poor LUSCIOUS. I love that book. LOVE IT. But I don’t think it has even earned out its advance. I can’t bear to check. My HOT NIGHTS series with Entangled got a lot of attention from readers and the publisher (so cool!). In fact, SEDUCING THE PLAYBOY was chosen as a Holiday Steal this month. It’s on sale for .99. That is definitely an up. Entangled choosing to feature one of my books is delightful. (So if you haven’t read it or think one of your friends would like a stocking stuffer, now is a great time to buy it. πŸ™‚ It will make you feel like you did when you had your first hard crush.) My latest Entangled book, IMPULSE CONTROL, came out last January, almost a year ago. It’s still selling strong, thanks to the monthly releases of the rest of the Men of the Zodiac series, but I was already out of time when it released. In fact, I’d been working at Wegmans for two months.

I needed to earn a solid, dependable, weekly paycheck. Because of the grueling, physical nature of foodservice work, that meant I was going to be tired, too tired to devote as much time to writing as I needed to in order to make it in the romance writing business. Consistent and frequent releases are crucial. Yes, I know other people have full-time jobs and do it. But this is me. I was already tired. Beaten down. Oh God, I felt like such a failure! I still do. (But I’m fighting it with self-help books.) I wrote eleven books (if you are counting, I also released several erotic romances under another name) and had SUCH high hopes for them! I kept writing, slogging, and pushing, while working two part-time jobs. For five years, I was rarely, if ever, not working. Getting a job at a grocery store felt like giving up. Failure. The death of my dream.

I know it sounds melodramatic. I don’t care. I don’t think I’m a special snowflake. The events of the past five years (And any writers out there will know it wasn’t five years. I got published in 2010. I started writing in 2005.), had proved the opposite. I wasn’t special. I was just another struggling author.

Which brings us to now. Did I quit writing last year? Nah. I have a series idea that won’t let me go. I’m thinking about self-publishing them when I get the first three books done, edited, edited, proofread, formatted, covers… Oy ye gods it makes me tired to think about learning another profession! So I’m just writing. I’m calling them “slow books,” like “slow food,” get it? I’m taking my time getting them to the table. I can’t just publish them one at a time, either. Book One has a big ass cliffhanger. Now THAT would be professional suicide. I’m working on my platform. One of the self-help books I’ve read is Kristen Lamb’sΒ Rise of the Machines: Human Authors in a Digital World. You’ll be seeing more from me as I work on my blogging muscles. More recipes, too. Less writing equals more cooking. And eating, so there’s been more yoga this year. Going to the gym requires an incentive bigger than food, so I buy myself books. I’ve read a lot of books this year. I can buy books because my weekly paycheck means we can pay the bills. I’m not in a constant money panic anymore. Does this sounds like a bad life?

No. It’s good. Very good.

It’s been shocking as hell to discover I’m happier writing less. When you’ve built your identity as a writer for a decade, it’s a big what the fuck moment to realize you may have been barreling down the wrong road. I say barreling because maybe I should have been walking. When you walk, you can effortlessly hold hands with your kids. You can chew gum. You can play an instrument…I’ll stop there because I could abuse the hell out of this metaphor. πŸ™‚

I’ve been thinking about direction. I’m not the only one because I came across this blog: Why Some Dreams Should Not Be Pursued. And this one by a debut author: Being Good At Something Doesn’t Mean You Should Do It.Β Food for thought.

I also think about failure. All the time. It’s a thing. I know it’s in my head, but it doesn’t matter. Thinking and feeling are different planets, and I FAILEDΒ not to cry when I was writing this. It’s so bizarre. Despite success in my grown-up jobs, I focus on the negative. What the actual fuck? Who does that? I mean, I’m writing this blog, trying to be honest and lay it bare, and a little voice keeps digging at me about my comma and parenthetical statement abuse. I should really look up the rules and get it right, right? But I’m too lazy. It will only be a “good” blog if it’s perfect, right? I should make it look easy, like I’m not struggling. God, I hate being vulnerable. (But I love BrenΓ© Brown. And no I’m not going to figure out how to make the accent mark thingie in her name. Yes I am. Out of respect for her worthiness. LOL.) This crazy criticism is what goes on inside my head. All the freaking time. In fact, I took a break from writing this blog to do the dishes because I couldn’t figure out an engaging ending. I want to hear from you, so I need to make you want to share your crazy with me. Are you a little on the nuts side, too? Are you hard on yourself? Have you ever barreled down the wrong road? What did you learn? What did you break? DID YOU SURVIVE?

As incentive to hold my hand on the crazy road leave me a comment, I will offer you candy. Seriously. I’ll draw a name from the commenters, and I will ask you for your favorite candy-type thing. I will buy it at Wegmans, the greatest grocery store on the planet, and I will mail it in time for the New Year. Straight up. Candy for crazy.

It’s best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.Β –Anne Baxter

Will you share your pretty ashes with me, please? I’d love to hear from you! πŸ™‚

 

 

 

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  1. Dear Wonder Woman with the beautiful, young family. IMHO you have succeeded past reasonable and will have many careers left ahead of you. The only problem I see you have is not enough time to play. Or to take pride in the time to play. Congratulations to a successful career as a whole person! <s
    Emma Lane

  2. I am nuts too πŸ™‚ You know that though πŸ™‚ ❀

    • Yeah, yeah, yeah. πŸ™‚ I think our crazy is part of our awesome. Especially yours! LOL. I cannot freaking wait for your book (THE GIRL FROM EVERYWHERE, for those of you watching). I’ve loved watching your journey to publishing. For a nuts chick, you sure do appear to have a steady head.

  3. You probably know my struggles, but, like you, I’m happier writing less. Maybe that’s because I’m no longer pushing pushing pushing every day. I don’t know. Will I stop writing? Probably not. Will I be what I was? Nope. And sometimes I too feel like a failure. I have to keep reminding myself my health is more important, that we’ll figure out how to pay the bills without me literally working myself to death.

    • Yep. I can without qualification say that working yourself to death would be a bad idea. You’ve had a tough road this year, and I admire the way you’ve dealt with it. We’ve discussed success and happiness before. For me, success is happiness. I’ve just been doing it wrong!
      πŸ™‚

  4. I have so many things that I could/will share with you and not because I am looking for sympathy, empathy, or candy, but because I want you to know that you are not alone.
    I fail on a daily basis simply because I have physical disabilities that narrow every path I look down. It’s frustrating to try anything. Work? That is a joke for me. I’m lucky I can stand through 5 minutes of dishes without any extreme pain. So I plan and scheme and think of ways where I can contribute financially to my family. None of those ever work out for different reasons. Applied for disability and because I was so young they didn’t want to listen and figured that I was just too lazy. Even with medical records proving the truth of what I said. Tried writing…I’m not too bad at it. Unfortunately I suck at the rules to writing. Lazy?? Yeah, I most likely have a lazy side but it isn’t what makes me quit fighting repeatedly. I’m frustrated, tired, and angry at the world, at myself, hell, even at God himself for putting me in these painful shoes and I’m not even that religious. I am happy that you have found a way to some happiness. I’m hoping that someday soon I can find mine. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Thank you for sharing yours. I have no idea what chronic pain is like, but I’ve seen what it can do to people. I think it is incredible that you are still willing to share and try. Thank you for that. I’m honored to hear your story, and I wish you happiness as well. ❀

  5. I’m still struggling, Amanda, but love your work and love this blog. Will check out some of the books/blogs you’ve mentioned and keep on keeping on. I’m told that’s what authors do. I wrote one novel, sent it out three times, then scrapped it. (it’s okay. It needed to be scrapped). Working on a second and just started a romance novel. Looking forward to your next piece of work…

    • Good for you! Romance is a wonderful genre. I love it. As for THREE TIMES?! Jeanette, I got rejected ten or twenty times that before I sold my first manuscript. At least. Keep that first one in a drawer. After I figured out how to write a story and sell it, I went back and fixed the three in my drawer and sold those, too. ❀

  6. Hi Amanda.. I have read your books and loved them as I have also told you. I am sure it’s a struggle and I have seen bad books sell well and good books not. Maybe you are good at both and don’t have to pick one..Do both because you are good at both and the variety of the two extremes will keep you happy. I always wish you and other local authors the best. Justine

    • I’m not picking a career. Just trying to feel my way toward being kind to myself. I’m nice to others. Not so much myself. It’s a practice! Thanks for your good wishes, Justine!

  7. Do you know how effing brave you are? You did it and you’re doing it and you’ll continue to do it just like you always have. Just like you went to CIA all those many years ago, because of your passion for sweet things. I’m not even to the pretty ashes, yet. I think it’s mostly because I’ve never figured out what I really want to be when I grow up.

    • LOL. I feel the same way. I’m like, I’m 43 years old and I still have the same issues plus new issues? I’m middle aged? I’m a grown-up? Apparently so. *whispers* So are you… πŸ˜›

  8. I have too many failures to list here. And I would have more, but fear of failing made me not even start a whole bunch of things. Recovering perfectionists have a hard row to hoe, and it does help knowing you’re not alone.

    I think you’re brave for writing this. I think you’re brave for doing what you need to do to keep your sanity. I think you’re brave for being willing to say that writing isn’t enough if it’s breaking your heart.

    Keep going. You’ll be fine. There is nothing wrong with “making a living”, and there’s always time too pursue something else later – maybe when it seems like an option instead of the only thing.

    • Thank you for commenting! I’m mostly a non-commenter, too (responding to her FB thing for those of you watching). Recovering perfectionist: I like that. I’ll probably write about this soon, but I discovered a useful thing this summer. When the voices in my head start up with the critical chorus, I think “You are really hard on yourself.” Just a nod. And I let it go before I start being hard on myself for being hard on myself. Maybe that will work for you. It makes me separate from the pattern a little. Is that weird? ❀

      • Not weird at all. I have a conversation where I talk to myself like a child “you can be disappointed, but you can’t be mean.” Self-mothering is an important skill πŸ™‚

  9. Girl. Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with all of us. I lost count of how many times I nodded while reading it. So much of this resonated with me. You are not even close to alone on this journey…

    • Straight up, girl, I texted my pal Jess: “I am envious of Kimberly Kincaid, and it feels ugly,” just the other day. I think it was your Amazon contract, lol. I wish you only the best, and I’m NOT glad this resonated with you (I’m only mean to myself), but I’m glad I’m not alone. ❀

  10. Hi Amanda;

    I *totally* know how you feel. In fact, you perfectly captured the panic of the emerging writers’ life. I’ve also taken a break after a harrowing year with five releases, to consider that perhaps, just maybe, I’m making myself crazy. I’m about to start writing again but this year, I’ll go slower and hopefully maintain somewhat better balance.

    Thank you so much for writing this! I loved chatting with you in New York, and I love that we’re both in the Men of the Zodiac series. I’ve also read Rise of the Machines and yes, baby, we have to stick together.

    -roxanne

    Roxanne Snopek
    USA Today bestselling author of The Millionaire Daddy Project
    http://www.roxannesnopek.ca

    • Hi Roxanne! *fist bump* It was a delight to meet you. FIVE RELEASES?! I’ve never done that. You poor thing. OMG. Balance is my mantra. My tattoo. My practice. It’s a shit ton harder than it sounds. Good luck with your balance, and I’m here if you need to chat. πŸ™‚

  11. YOU GUYS! I published this and then ran and hid. Now I have to go to work at Wegmans and I have to leave in 18 minutes and I haven’t eaten and I should really do that but all I want to do is respond to comments and cry and hug you all for reaching out to me. THANK YOU. It means so much after this past year and all the cakes I’ve iced with tears in my eyes even though I love working at Wegmans. ❀ I'm not alone. I knew that. I'm so glad.

  12. Omg…yes. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this post. I am a Realtor/Writer. I’ve learned over the last year (when I went to work outside the home) that not only is there nothing wrong with having a slash in my career title, it’s probably more healthy. One job pays the bills and helps me feel successful. The other one pays my soul with a measure of creative fulfillment. So even tho it’s a little harder to fit it all in, and all the creative stuff takes much longer to come to fruition, I too am happier with a slash. And I’m not going to correct the grammatical errors in this comment. Just out of solidarity, ya know? πŸ˜‰ And by the way, you are an excellent writer!! I can’t speak to your baking skills. We should remedy that. Hehe.

  13. My mom has told me since I was young that I’m my own worst enemy, so yep, I’m hard on myself too. Thanks for writing this touching and very relatable post, Amanda. I struggle all the time with balancing my day job and writing and what I’m feeling in my heart and head. You’re so not alone, my friend, not even close. ((hugs))

    • Hugs back at you! My mom says similar things. She is wise, my mom. I should have listened when I was younger. She couldn’t tell me anything back then. Now I’m all, like, HUG ME, MOM! Thanks for your comment. I love all talk of balancing. So. Hard. ❀

  14. I love this! Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. So much of what you said is me! You’ve got a lot of guts for putting yourself out there. ((hugs)) The life of a struggling author isn’t a glamorous one.

    • No, but most of the time we make it look good on FB. I’m guilty of framing my life in a positive light pretty much all the time. I’m glad everyone isn’t coming after me with torches for ruining the illusion! It’s a great life. Even on dark days, I know that. There are happy, shiny people out there, and I WILL learn their secrets. And share them. πŸ™‚

  15. Ali decided to leave his career in 2002 and move us to Arizona to work in the gas station business with his family. I was working at the Cafe of Marshall Fields department store. At the time it was affiliated with Target. In order to maintain our medical benefits I transferred to Target and worked at the snack bar. I was not even managing the snack bar. I was warm inning up pretzels and popping popcorn. It was an epic fail and I loathed myself everyday that I had to get up and put on my khaki pants and red polo. There is more to the story, but I will end it here. You are not alone…

    • Oh, LISA! I admire you so much for putting on those khaki pants. I’d feel a similar way except I’ve loved Wegmans forever, so I’m like, at least it’s Wegmans. Wegmans is awesome. Although…Target is kind of awesome, too. They get my money every time. But I know what you mean. It ain’t easy being a grown up. Money is necessary. (Can I tell you…we still talk about Ali’s amazing hummus?) Oh, I so feel you. ❀

  16. You Are Not Alone. Remember when I told you a few months ago how in awe I was of you when we first met in NYC FIVE years ago now? I still am. This is an amazing piece of work. I think your success is in being able to recognize and write your feelings. There are so many times I feel like I’m chasing my tail. I see the birthdays click by and wonder if it’s all worth it, being tied to the computer, always thinking about sales, watching the rankings (which are rarely any good until my recent Blaze and then I justify it because a great author was in the book with me and it wasn’t me at all!) always thinking about the next thing to write and will it be any good and how fast my boys have grown up ….the list goes on. So, you my dear, have reached that place where you need to be and don’t ever feel negative about it at all! You are an amazing and talented woman. Oh and don’t forget…you were asked for digits πŸ˜‰ ❀

    • OMG I forgot about that until you reminded me. I handled that so badly. I want a do-over! I am so proud of you. I cheer every time your latest book shows up on my FB feed. YES! You deserve it. YOU. As for you being impressed with me? My greatest skill? FAKING IT. This introverted extrovert can work a room…and then run hide. Just like I did from that cowboy. ❀

  17. Hugs, hugs and more hugs!

  18. I’m part of the slow writer movement, too. And I have a day job. And I need my income. And only the first of my Penguin books has earned out. So, yeah. Right there with you. We are not failures. We are just slow blooming flowers who will be all the more beautiful for the extra time in the soil.

    • Laura, I really love your books. And you. Isn’t publishing weird? Okay. Fine. Soil it is. Let’s root. I’m really excited about my new series. I’m just scared to write it because what if it SUCKS? I’m writing it anyway. Let’s do this thing.

      • YAY!!! A new series! I am doing that, too. Well, not a new series. A new subgenre. Because really, two or three is not enough, right? I have this Gothic. It’s going to my agent sometime before the end of the year when I’ve pulverized it some more. And if no one wants to publish it, I’ll do it myself because it makes me happy.

        Also, I want to say one other thing. You are a full time writer. You write all the time, even when you’re doing something else. You see as a writer, experience life as a writer, imagine and synthesize all the time. Just because it’s not your sole source of income doesn’t mean you’re not working full time at it.

  19. Well, I’m not writing because I might get candy in the mail. In fact, disqualify me now– no sugary confections necessary, I HATE competition!
    Now I can focus and concentrate on communicating, and not on salivating over possible chocolate kisses.
    I see me in you, and you in me. It’s that self-imposed fear of failure and female guilt. It’s looking back and evaluating past choices with too critical of an eye. If only buying self help books could turn things around! For me, all of the encouragement in them is great, if I read them when my hormones have me viewing life somewhat positively. If I’m downward facing, those positive affirmations and ideas can’t do a darn thing.
    Anyway– I have faced self-evaluation of career choices also. As a mother, every wonderful thing we learn, do, and enjoy still revolves around our children. Having to juggle any kind of employment, (even writing in your jammies in your own home) can only work if your children are loved and cared for by whoever is the next best thing to you. Generally, men do not have this obstacle to confront on a daily basis. It makes a giant difference. We want to be loved and adored by our family, respected by employers and coworkers, and admired by acquaintances for keeping it all together. Its an internal struggle we wrestle with in our quiet moments.
    Rock on, Sister. You have been honest and real. That’s actually important stuff. We are all here to teach, learn, and grow…
    Cakepal Sue

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID

    • YEEEEESSSSSS! I wouldn’t give you candy anyway. I’ve never seen you eat candy. Bubble tea, yes. And…did you know they have sandwiches now? Weird ones. Good ones. You are winning, Sue. I cant think of a greater challenge than the one you’ve faced. You are winning. Thank you for commenting. Let’s bubble and sandwich ASAP. Drag me out of my cave. I need you…

  20. We’re all special snowflakes and we are all just one in a million snowflakes Everyone’s uniqueness means few are all that special. But, all we CAN do is be true to ourselves and our families. If you have that and your health you are way ahead of the game.
    As writing goes – you are published. So, ergo, a success. Very few writers get the Dan Brown or Anne Rice payout. They are the super special fell in July snowflakes. There are few writers who are so broad in their sales that quitting their daytime job is an option.
    So, not the death of your dream, not a failure. It’s a little like thinking we are all going to be Barbie dolls and ending up as regular human women. Or thinking that one has the smarts and voice of Albert Einstein and ending up as well, not him.

    But we are each unique, each special. I like to think of my impact as smaller but still truly valuable to someone.

  21. No candy required – just a drink next time I see you. Because so many of us feel the same way. I look at all my list-hitting friends and think I have a ton of great reviews, so why do they succeed while I just slog along? And that is as I write my 19th book in six years. You haven’t failed one bit – you’ve been a responsible parent WHILE STILL PURSUING YOUR DREAM – which your kids totally see and will make them even better people. Do you know how many people never get pubbed AT ALL? You know I love all your books – they are great. You have the talent in spades. Now we just need to get the karmic timing right. And make sure you remember to pat yourself on the back more often.

    • Okay. I’ll pat if you say so! I’ll pat you, too, because you know how I feel about your books. How are the karma gods resisting us?! We’re so easy! LOL. πŸ™‚

  22. Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear it as well. I’m struggling to find a balance between my kids and writing. I only have 3 more years with them before they leave the best. I won’t sacrifice my time with them for writing.

  23. Thank you soooooo much for this blog post. So much of it resonated with me and how I’ve been feeling lately. I love writing and don’t want to stop, but I also only have 3 years left with my kids before they leave for college and I’m not willing to sacrifice that time to be a slave to my computer.

    • Girl, I see you on FB all the time being an awesome mom. GO YOU! Your boys are splendid, and you are doing right by them. (It’s so easy to say it to other people. It’s so clear. So guiltless.) You will never regret time spent with your children. I still regret a boating trip I didn’t take because I stayed home to write on deadline. They got barbeque. I’ve still never been to Smoke on the Water… We’ll get through this. Love those boys!

  24. I love you and you are a fabulous person! And I don’t even like candy!

    • CHEESEBURGERS! We need to go get those cheeseburgers at the beer, bourbon, and burgers place. I can’t stop thinking about them. And the desserts. Calendar. Now. Go! (And I love you, too, Neighborhood BFF.)

  25. Failure? I don’t think so. You get to alter dreams. You get to change your mind. Most writers are lucky to finish a book, lucky to publish, lucky to get asked to write more. You sound like a raging success to me!

  26. I do? Ok. I will tell myself that. Actually, I do tell myself that. All the time. I cracked at a young age. But it’s never too late, right? Let’s be epic and peaceful in our late forties. You with me?

  27. I’m with you!

  28. As a fellow author, I can say that “publishing is complicated” is a gross understatement! My last couple years have been really tough and after an awful experience thanks to a lousy agent, I almost gave up. It started out so well; a trip to NYC, an appearance on QVC, multiple great reviews-Fox’s best holiday gift list, F&W best of the best, it was followed up by a trip to the Beard house and then the bottom dropped out. The hardest part is believing in yourself, and keeping in mind that the job is just the cost of doing business (I held my job for 10 years to pay those bills) and remembering that even if you can’t see it-you have achieved something that a lot of people just talk about doing someday. We really need to sit down and have a cup of coffee-we have a lot of catching up to do! Be well fellow baker!

    • Whoa – Alisa, I have no idea things went from so sweet to sour! UGH. But I do know it doesn’t change my opinion of you a single, tiny bit(e). I will always think of you as my pastry chef inspiration! We must have that cup of coffee one day. I’d love that. ❀ (For anyone reading, I thanked Alisa in the acknowledgements fro SCRUMPTIOUS. She inspired is one of the people who inspired me to go to culinary school!)

  29. So I was an actress for hundreds of years. Hundreds. The number of times I felt like a failure, or like I was on the wrong path, or questioned everything about myself and my life because some casting director told me I wasn’t pretty enough for her show or some assistant director grabbed my ass on a film set cannot be enumerated. But fuck ’em. No one person can take away the beauty of you. Or your dreams. Only you can do that. So, don’t. Celebrate. Enjoy your accomplishments, no matter how small. They belong to you. Embrace the crazy. Because the crazy makes you who you are…and that person is lovely.

  30. Good for you!

  31. I really appreciate these words of wisdom about enjoying writing slower rather than cranking out book after book which disappoint (and I would certainly never consider that a failure).

    It’s all about building a career one book at a time at your own pace. Unfortunately, there are many in the publishing and self-publishing world who will make new writers think that they have to publish a book every 3 months in order to get anywhere. Quality, not quantity, baby.

    And YOU define success, not some arbitrary yard stick or even what your friends and family may think (I am getting questions every week from my parents whether I’m making any money with my writing yet – uh, no…) The reality is that unless you are one of the very very very few, writing is not going to be a big money maker for you or even a lucrative career in terms of monetary value. So do it because you love it, because you can’t not do it, because you feel empty not doing it, and because you want even a tiny audience for your work who will appreciate and enjoy it. That’s it.

    Tam

  32. I like your idea to write “slow books”. I’m past middle-aged (62) and one of my great regrets is that I didn’t start writing sooner. But, I have yet to publish a book (although I’m very close) and I don’t have a full-time job or kids at home. Since I believe everything is as it should be, maybe I wouldn’t have any stories to tell if I had started earlier. The only solution is to write on!

    • I agree. I love that you feel “everything is as it should be.” That is a frame of mind I’m trying to create in my life. For me, it’s going to require adjustments to more than my writing life, but that’s a good thing. πŸ™‚ Good luck with the book!

  33. Such a great post Amanda! You’re an amazing writer and I still love Impulse Control and am so glad I had a chance to work with you on it. I can totally relate to your feeling as I’ve had to give up doing jobs I’ve loved because they simply didn’t pay enough for me to raise two kids and pay rent. It saddened me to quit but I’m also trying to make peace with it. I think it’s great you’re still writing but at a pace you’re happier with and I can’t wait to read the series!

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