Where do you start? That’s what I asked my new counselor. I mean, I probably would have benefited from counseling decades ago, but the thought of explaining ALL THE THINGS to someone is flat-out exhausting.
But I went. I sat on the couch. I started talking. I tried to explain what brought me there and what I wanted to get out of it. The next day, I felt more steady, as if beginning the process gave me some power back, which makes sense, I guess. I’m working on my struggles not denying, enduring, pickling, carb-loading, or sleeping on them.
And then my Dad passed away on Tuesday. If you’ve read my books, my characters’ daddy issues run rampant through them. Or sometimes the mommy issues because you gotta mix it up a little! My relationship with my father is probably the most complicated one in my life. I’ve been wondering for months, because his death was not sudden, how you go on when the person who created you, physically, mentally, and emotionally, doesn’t exist anymore. He got a surprising amount of discussion in my first counseling session, or not so surprising, really.
There’s a lot to unpack.
Currently, I’m with my mother and sister, doing the things you do when this sort of thing happens. There are a lot of things! And a lot of talking. Lots of casseroles, wine, and pie. Lots of pictures. Lots of leftovers. Lots of tears. Lots of laughs. We are doing a very difficult thing, but we are doing it together. The Fabulous Baker Girls, as my friend Jessica Topper dubbed us, are heartbroken. End of story.
But love goes on.